Thursday, Oct. 23, 2003 @ 9:30 p.m.
i'm so tired of this

I'm feeling...

Okay, so.. that whole every two week thing isn't working out as well as I thought.

Every week, it seems.. and it seems that it gets hard to just do that.

Or maybe this week is just harder than usual as I had a hard time controlling myself last night, and I'll be bloody surprised if I can keep myself controlled tonight.

Bloody Christ.

I'm not strong, you know.

I really try to be, and I'm not. I'm so not. I cave so easily, I fall apart so fast, and I get lost quicker than I can even blink.

Here I am, making myself sick. My stomach is bloody starting to kill me. I can't handle this.

I. Can. Not. Handle. This.

I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have let myself fall.. but now I have, and now I honestly do not know if I have it in me to get back up again.

and what if I don't?

God, what if I don't?

-- a scared me

previous ramblings | newer ramblings

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i'm so tired of this - Thursday, Oct. 23, 2003